My Angel in the Sky .... a poem

This is a poem I wrote a couple of months after the loss of our son to be - at just 19 weeks gestation. We went in for our 19 week gender ultrasound appointment only to discover our sweet baby no longer had a heartbeat. I delivered our son, Dason, the next day on August 10, 2012. He would have been our third child. A tremendous loss that still leaves my heart broken and very slow to mend. Writing poetry is my way of digesting the experience and my futile attempt at trying to somehow make sense of it all - to find the good in the bad and try to celebrate the blessings even through the sad. The following poem is one of many about Dason and my painting shown above, "Tree of Life" is a dedication to him. Our loved ones leave permanent and beautiful lasting impressions upon our hearts forever - and the value of their lives, no matter how long they lived - mold us into who we are. Their deaths leave us forever marked - both grateful for their existence and yet broken by their departure as we begin to live this life without them. "The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears." -John Vance Cheney

My Angel in the Sky

The sun outside in shining bright
Not a cloud up in the sky
And yet this darkness swallows me whole.
My heart chokes on goodbye.

Sorrow wraps around me tight,
Making it hard to breathe.
And though I know this too shall pass,
For now I'm asked to grieve.

The life I once held close to mine,
Protected in my womb-
Has died and gone to heaven
And was taken much too soon.

Hold onto those you love so dear.
Memorize the moments as they pass by.
Live, love, laugh all you can
And learn from the tears you're asked to cry.

If nothing ever changed in life,
Butterflies would not be.
And heaven would have no angels
If God never set them free.

The sun outside is shining bright-
Not a cloud up in the sky.
My son's life and death has awakened me-
My heart beats for him this time.

His spirit wraps around me tight.
His death so hard to believe.
And yet the light he shines on me,
Gives me all the strength I need.

I miss him so, my beautiful boy
And honor his life by living mine.
I love him still, I always will-
My heart beats for him this time.

Hold onto those you love so dear.
Memorize the moments as they pass by.
Live, love, laugh all you can
And learn from the tears you're asked to cry.

If nothing ever changed in life,
Butterflies would not be.
And heaven would have no angels,
If God never set them free.

The sun outside is shining bright.
Not a cloud up in the sky.
If nothing ever changed in life,
Our angels wouldn't fly.

-Tanielle Childers © 2012